They had all taken their tools from the living; thrown bodies on the floor, held them down, forced open mouths, and pulled teeth wet with blood and saliva from screaming mouths.  Avocet liked to boast time and again that his teeth all came from one man in one sitting. He would tell the story every time they met and the others would all roll their eyes and drink deep. He would replay each shudder of the man’s body as he had sat astride his chest and wrenched the teeth, one at a time, from pink and healthy gums. By the time he reached the part where the man had fainted there would usually be a unified scraping of chairs as all of them got up to buy the next round. This time was no different and as they all stood up together they laughed. Avocet, unabashed, just said:

‘A pint of bitters, please.’

‘I’ll go,’ Gannet said and she walked over to the bar, the others shouting orders after her.

The bartender was pale, sweaty, nervous. Not a big man and in no way remarkable. Just your average Joe Bloggs. Gannet – dark and strangely sensuous despite her limbs which seemed too long, and her body all straight and narrow – stood in front of him and held his gaze for an age, enjoying his discomfort. A wave of laughter swelled behind her and, not wanting to miss out, she gave the poor man her order and let him scurry off. She turned and leaned her back against the bar so she could look at her companions where they sat.

Guan was looking particularly handsome tonight, in his dark suit. His black skin gleamed under the yellow pub lights and Gannet admired his oil slick hair. His eyes were such a brown that they almost seemed red. Yes, he was looking particularly handsome tonight. Darter and Hoopoe were in good spirits and Avocet was just the same as always – larger than life. Only Cassowary seemed out of sorts. He laughed with the others but there was something half-hearted about him. Gannet watched him. The drinks came and the bartender waived the fee, just glad to have her step away from his bar. That was how it usually was. They would drink for free all night.

‘Here,’ she said as she placed drinks in front of each of them. She took her seat and then turned her full attention on Cassowary.

‘What’s wrong?’ she asked. They all looked at him then.

Cassowary shifted and his chair groaned beneath his heavy body. A hand rested on a pocket in his waistcoat. He had always dressed foppishly – a ridiculous and yet endearing affectation.

‘What is it?’ asked Hoopoe as Cassowary pulled a small leather bag from the pocket. ‘What have you seen?’ But even as she asked the question they all knew the answer. Cassowary sighed.

‘They turned on their own. I hadn’t put them away, I was seeing a customer out, and when I came back to them they were showing me my future. It was my fault. I should have put them away.’

‘You weren’t supposed to put them away,’ said Guan quietly. ‘It was already written that you wouldn’t.’

‘It’s too soon,’ said Cassowary and there was a note of childish resentment in his voice.

‘Everyone says that,’ Darter muttered. Hoopoe gave her a look to quieten her and then took her hand.

‘Can we see?’ asked Avocet.

Cassowary took up the bag and shook it. Then, with one smooth motion he opened and upended the bag on the table top. Teeth clacked and skittered over the wooden surface. A few teeth clinked against the glasses. Everyone leaned forwards and studied them. A molar was angled against Gannet’s beer. The mandibular central incisor was pointed, root first, directly at Guan.

‘Is this wisdom tooth still gummy,’ Avocet asked, pointing at a molar on the edge of the table.

Cassowary nodded.

‘I pulled it only last week. It hadn’t emerged so I had to dig right in and pull it out.’

‘Who did it come from?’

Cassowary shrugged.

‘Some girl I met at the supermarket.’

‘Pretty?’ Avocet asked.

‘This is hardly the point now, is it?’ Hoopoe said. ‘Look,’ and she gestured to the collection in front of them.

‘It’s totally unambiguous,’ Cassowary said. ‘My time’s almost up.’

‘We should double check with our sets. I know the outcome is likely to be the same but we should still make sure,’ Darter said, getting out a little wooden box.

‘That’s nice!’ Gannet said taking the box from her. ‘Where did you get this?’

‘This,’ Darter said, snatching the box back, ‘was a gift. Leave it alone.’ She slid the lid off the box and breathed out over the teeth that lay inside it. Then, gently, she tipped them out to join Cassowary’s collection. They all took their time studying the way the teeth had fallen.

‘Same story,’ Avocet said with a sigh.

Cassowary spat on the floor.

‘That’s disgusting,’ Guan said.

‘I’m dying,’ Cassowary replied.

‘That has no bearing on your manners.’

‘Let’s check my teeth,’ Hoopoe interjected.

‘What’s the point?’ Cassowary asked. ‘They’ll say the same thing.’

‘Well... yes. Probably. But they might add more to the picture.’

Cassowary gave her a sour look but said: ‘Go on then,’ all the same. Hoopoe pulled a soft, green, velvet bag out of her handbag. She shook it and the teeth inside clicked like dice. Then she opened the mouth of the bag and shook the teeth out.

‘This is a new collection! Nice canines!’ Gannet said admiringly.

‘Is this a hyperdontic set of teeth?!’ Guan asked.

‘Yes,’ Hoopoe said proudly.

‘How did you manage that?’ asked Avocet.

Hoopoe shrugged.

‘We all have our ways.’

‘Can we get back to the matter at hand?’ said Cassowary. 

‘Right. Yes,’ Hoopoe said and she leaned in to read her teeth. The others followed suit.

‘It says the same thing,’ Gannet said.

‘Yes, but look at that fifth molar,’ Hoopoe pointed out. ‘With the extra teeth there is a more refined message here. The cast of that is implying...’

‘It’s implying nothing,’ Cassowary snapped. ‘It’s all the same shit. My time is up. I’ll be scattered to the wind.’

‘Come on, now’ Avocet said. ‘Look,’ and he pointed back at Hoopoe’s teeth. ‘Not the fifth molar, the fourth. There. That aspect of it clearly suggests an alternate path.’

‘What?’ Cassowary leaned over to look at the fourth molar more closely. ‘What does it—’

‘Oh shit, no. My mistake,’ Avocet broke in. ‘No if you look at it from the other side it’s adding emphasis to your coming death.’

Cassowary slumped back into his chair.

‘You fucker,’ he muttered.

‘Just to be clear, are you talking about me or the reading?’ Avocet asked.

Cassowary glared at him.

‘I’m talking about you, you fuckheaded dipshitted, dicknosed, tripebellied jizzwheel of a turd!’

‘Hey!’Avocet said in an injured tone and the rest of the toothsayers erupted in gales of laughter.

‘WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU ALL LAUGHING AT?’ Cassowary screamed and he stood up, grabbed his chair and threw it across the room. It crashed into a table but didn’t break. The laughter quietened but didn’t fade entirely. Cassowary stood there breathing hard and looking at each of them in turn.

‘What the fuck are you all laughing at?’ he asked. ‘What...’ He swayed a little on his feet and then sat heavily on the floor and buried his face in his hands.

Gannet grabbed her drink and knocked it back.

‘Another round?’ she asked. There was a sound of general assent from everyone and Gannet got to her feet and walked over to the bar, relieved to get a little distance between her and Cassowary.

‘Hey. You. Drinks,’ she barked at the bartender. The man was standing, sweaty-faced and scared, as far from her as he could be, but he jumped into action on her command. As he handed the last drink over with a shaking hand he somehow gathered enough nerve to ask:

‘What are you?’

Gannet grinned at him.

‘We’re the toothsayers. I could read your future if you like?’

‘H-how?’ the man asked.

‘Well, I’d have to pull your teeth out of your head, but after that it’s just a simple matter of reading the bloody gristle, nerves and enamel. Nothing to it.’

The man let out a pathetic whimper and backed away from Gannet. She laughed.

‘I’m just kidding. I’ve got a set of loose teeth I’d use,’ she told him, and she pulled a ziplock bag full of teeth out of her pocket. The horror on the man’s face was a picture.

‘Oi! Gannet!’ Avocet shouted. Gannet smiled and shrugged at the bartender.

‘Maybe later,’ she said and she picked up the drinks and ferried them back to the table.

‘Thanks,’ Guan said as he took his glass. Gannet gave him a wink and he smiled.

After putting the rest of the drinks down, Gannet pulled up a chair from another table.

‘Here,’ she said, offering it to Cassowary. ‘Stop being so dramatic and sit down. This looks like it’ll be our last night together so we may as well make the most of it. Come and have a drink.’

Cassowary looked up at her, a little measure of hope in his face.

‘You know, I’ve always fancied you, Gannet,’ he said.

‘Haven’t we all?’ said Darter and Hoopoe pinched her arm. She shook Hoopoe off, ‘it’s true,’ she muttered.

‘What d’you say to you and me maybe having a few hours to ourselves tonight? You know. For old times’ sake?’

Gannet pulled back the chair she’d offered him and replaced it under its original table.

‘Is that a no?’ Cassowary asked.

‘Yes, that’s a hard no,’ she said as she sat down next to Guan. ‘I’m going to do a reading too.’

She shook her teeth out and looked hard at them.

‘You haven’t got a full human set,’ Guan commented.

‘No, I’ve got some lizard teeth to make up the difference.’

‘How’re they working out?’

‘I think my readings have got better since I added them. Look,’ Gannet pointed at the spread of her teeth. ‘See?’

Everyone leaned in to look at her reading now. And they saw. As one they turned to look at the bartender, trembling in the darkest corner he could find behind the bar and watching them all fearfully. In his sweaty hands he held a shotgun. He whimpered a little before pointing it at them.

‘I d-don’t care what you are. I w-want you to leave. Now!’ he told them.

‘Now, now, mate. If you want us to pay for our drinks we will,’ Avocet said standing up.

‘Don’t come any closer!’ the bartender said. ‘Keep your hands where I can see them!’

‘Who the fuck chose this pub?’ Darter whispered.

‘Who d’you think?’ Hoopoe whispered back.

‘STOP TALKING!’ yelled the bartender.

‘Okay, okay just take it easy,’ said Guan. ‘We’re happy to leave, we just want to do it as safely as possible so would you mind putting your gun down?’

‘YES, I FUCKING MIND!’ the bartender shouted, clearly gaining confidence with every moment he kept them at the end of his barrel.

‘Okay, well if we leave we’re all going to have to move. We need to gather our things and then we’ll walk towards the door. We’ll move slowly. Is it okay if we start to gather our things?’

‘DON’T TRY ANYTHING FUNNY!’

‘We’ll do our best,’ Guan said.

‘WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?’

‘We’re just gathering our things and then we’re going, okay little man,’ Gannet said. ‘Easy does it.’ And with great exaggeration she reached over the table and started picking up her teeth and putting them in her Ziploc bag. She didn’t even need to look to know which ones were hers in the whole ivory mess. Darter reached over to do the same and the bartender screamed:

‘ONE AT A FUCKING TIME!’

She sprang back, hands up, and waited until Gannet had picked up the last lizard tooth. As Gannet sat back Darter moved in again. She gathered her teeth quickly, dropped them all in her box, and then nudged Hoopoe into action.

When Hoopoe had gathered her set of teeth Cassowary started to pick at his.

‘Okay. Done,’ he said a few minutes later.

‘Cool. Bottoms up?’ Gannet asked.

‘You don’t mind if we finish our drinks quickly, do you man?’ asked Avocet.

‘FUCK OFF OUT MY PUB!’ the man screeched and they all stood up and stumbled hastily to the door.

‘Fuck,’ muttered Cassowary as he reached the threshold. He was peering into his leather pouch and counting teeth. ‘I think I must have dropped one on the floor.’

‘You don’t need it,’ Guan said but Cassowary had already turned around and as he took a step back into the pub his middle was split through. The bang came right after. Blood sprayed out through the door and into the night. Remarkably, none of them got caught by the splatter. And that was it. Cassowary was scattered to the wind.

The toothsayers all looked at each other.

‘Fuck’ they heard the bartender say from inside. ‘Fuck fuck fuck.’

Guan sighed.

‘Well this is a shit end to the night.’

‘He picked the pub himself, he was asking for it,’ Avocet said.

‘But it’s still a rotten way to go.’

‘The night’s still young, you know. We could go and grab some drinks somewhere else.’

‘Nah, I’m not in the mood for it anymore,’ Gannet said. ‘This has taken the shine off everything. I’d rather go home.’

‘Yeah, me too,’ Hoopoe agreed.

‘Who’s turn is it to pick next time?’ Darter asked.

‘Mine,’ said Avocet.

‘Make it better than this one, mate,’ she said.

Avocet nodded.

‘Well. I’m off to grab more drinks, even if you lot aren’t,’ he said. ‘Cheerio.’ He walked away from the pub and into the darkness.

‘See you guys next time,’ Darter said and she took Hoopoe by the hand and pulled her away.

Gannet looked at Guan.

‘You want to go somewhere?’ she asked him.

‘Hold on,’ he said. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a Fisherman’s Friend tin, full of teeth. He crouched down and scattered them in the light cast from the pub doorway. A venturing incisor rolled into a puddle of blood and picked up its colour. ‘Hmmm.’ He swept up the teeth and replaced them in their box.

‘Well?’ Gannet asked. Guan put an arm around her.

‘Where d’you want to go?’ he asked.